You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
