the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So many bounce houses so little time
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
