Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
