There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
