My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
