i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
