i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it because I queefed?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
