WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just cropdusted the office
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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