you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
