What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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