I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
