I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isnโt going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you canโt cheat on someone you love...
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