shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
