clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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