69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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