at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
