If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
