we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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