Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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