How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
