I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
