That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
