i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
