Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
