he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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