I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
