i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
try to milk me bitch
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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