Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
