He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I pour the whiskey from now on
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
