$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
