Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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