dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
