she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
