there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
