just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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