They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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