i just had sex bonerless
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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