literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
