if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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