Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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