I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize