I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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