Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
