A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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