u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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