You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry about my life...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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