it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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