guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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