for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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