I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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