her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
