i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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