The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you.
Bad choice
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
