there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
