So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize