I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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