Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
there is puke in my bra ... again
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