the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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