When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Couch. On fire.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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