WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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