I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He felt like a one man threesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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