I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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