Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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