I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
