I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
