just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
