is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize