I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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