I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
