Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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