I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
