PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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