Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
soo... how was my night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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