textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
