I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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