I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize