I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
