How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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