I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
