her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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