How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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