Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
