Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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