It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
