apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
