My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
