We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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