We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
