When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
