chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
