i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
