During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
