My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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