please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
