To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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