its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize