he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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