ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
