yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
