hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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