I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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