I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
