I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
