At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
