he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
