you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
