His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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