Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
