im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
