yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
