69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
