My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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