Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
