Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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