Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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