Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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